What My Parents Never Taught Me, But I Had to Learn the Hard Way

Parenting is a delicate balance of advice and experience. I grew up with parents who focused on practical, tangible lessons but some crucial life skills were left untaught. Reflecting on my upbringing, I realize they didn't impart knowledge in several key areas that I had to learn through personal experience.

The Lack of Unconditional Love and Self-Love

One of the most significant lessons my parents never imparted was the importance of unconditional love. They never taught me to love and accept myself for who I am. Understanding the value of self-respect and standing up for oneself were also not part of our daily conversations. Growing up, I had to learn to respect my own boundaries and advocate for my needs when faced with challenges and conflicts.

Sexual Education and Consent

Sexual education is a topic that was partially covered by my parents, but some crucial aspects were left unexplored. For instance, my father's version of "The Talk" was very traditional, never touching upon the need for mutual consent. He said it was only between a man and a woman who were married, which was simply not true in my case, as I was born in 2005 and my parents were married in November of the same year. This omission highlights a need for more comprehensive and honest discussions about sexuality and consent.

Resolving Conflicts and Problem-Solving

Conflict resolution and problem-solving skills were areas where my parents were noticeably lacking. Their approach to addressing issues within the family was to ignore problems rather than tackle them directly. This led to a culture of quiet acceptance and a lack of open communication, which could have led to better learning and development.

Real-World Expectations and Deceit

Living in the Ohio countryside in the 1940s and 1950s, my world was a mix of home and television. Even though life looked similar to what was on TV, there were realities that we couldn't avoid. Here are some of the stark realizations I had to learn the hard way:

People often don't keep the promises they make. Some people can be rude or mean without just cause. Not everyone tries to help in times of need. Most people expect to be heard but won't allow you to be heard in return. Sometimes people avoid taking responsibility for their poor decisions and even expect others to bail them out. A man's intentions are not always honorable. People often lie about situations they created. Some people treat their families poorly, while others treat people they hate better.

Role of Grandparents

Thankfully, my grandmother played a crucial role in making up for the shortcomings of my parents. Her support and the love she provided were invaluable. She taught me the importance of unconditional love and self-worth, which were essential lessons I had to learn on my own.

In conclusion, while my parents taught me many practical skills, there were critical gaps in their teaching. Lessons such as self-love, consent education, and conflict resolution are vital for navigating life's challenges. The experiences I faced were tough, but they have made me more resilient and self-reliant. Reflecting on these lessons, I am grateful to have had supportive figures like my grandmother to fill in these voids.