The Lap Debate: Navigating Lap-Sitting with Children

Amid the myriad discussions surrounding parenting and child development, the age-old question of lap-sitting is a topic that often sparks heated debates. While some might view it as a cherished tradition, others see it as an outdated practice that needs to be phased out as children grow. This article explores the pros and cons, offering practical advice on how to handle this issue.

Why No Lap-Sitting?

Encouraging independent behavior and teaching children boundaries are crucial steps in child development. While many parents might feel a sentimental attachment to the tradition of lap-sitting, the practice can sometimes pose practical and health-related challenges. For instance, as children grow, they become heavier and might unknowingly disrupt circulation in adults' legs, leading to discomfort.

Example: "I love you and our time together, but you are cutting off the circulation in my legs and it hurts when you sit on me.”

Alternatives to Lap-Sitting

There are several alternatives parents can explore to encourage their children to develop independent behavior while maintaining a sense of closeness and affection.

Personalized Chairs for Children

One effective strategy is to invest in a chair that is specifically designed for your child. This can be a fun and engaging process, allowing children to choose a chair that they enjoy and can call their own. This approach not only beats a single lap but also encourages a sense of ownership and responsibility.

Example: "Tell the child it is growing and it needs its own chair. You can also buy a chair of its choice specially for it.”

Transition Strategies

For younger children, using a tangible sign of transition, such as a chair, can help them understand and accept the change. For instance, you can tell the child, “Now Bobbie, you know daddy enjoys having you at home and we don’t mind cleaning your room doing your laundry and fixing your broken bicycle, but with you as Chief Operations Officer of a multi-billion dollar corp, it may be time that we discontinue your sitting on daddy’s lap.”

Physical Boundaries

Another method is to use physical barriers to make it easier to disengage. For example, if you find yourself seating next to a high table with your legs underneath, it becomes more difficult for younger children to climb on. This physical boundary alone can be a significant deterrent.

Example: “If you get fed up before the child does, move to another seat where it is more difficult to climb on, like at the table with your legs underneath.”

Reflections on Lap-Sitting

It's important to reflect on the cherished memories and fun times spent on the lap. However, as your children grow older, they may develop a sense of independence and self-reliance. The idea of lap-sitting can become a nostalgia of the past. As adults approaching 50, we can still recall the joy and laughter of our childhood days spent in our parents' laps. Yet, it's also true that eventually, our children will outgrow this desire, leaving us with sentimental regrets.

Cherish those moments while they last, but also understand that each stage of growth comes with its own challenges and changes. Embrace this transition for what it is: a natural part of upbringing that leads to a healthier and more self-reliant child.

Example: “Today my two adult kids are nearing 50 and can still vividly remember with much fondness our escapades of long ago. Please don’t forbid the child to climb on your lap—they will have outgrown this desire only too soon—and you will be old and filled with regrets.”