The Emotions and Realities of Being a Single Parent by Choice

Imagine having a job with 16-hour shifts and no weekends, holidays, or downtime. This is the reality of being a single parent. The never-ending responsibilities and the constant struggle to fit everything in can lead to an overwhelming level of exhaustion. On top of that, the guilt of not being able to do enough for your child is a daily challenge.

I’ve been a single parent for over eight years now. Despite the challenges, I’ve been successful in raising my children, even if the workload is immense. My oldest son, for instance, was 3 when I started, and we became a strong team. We committed to making it the best single parent-child duo possible. It wasn’t always perfect, but it was a journey that we both survived and thrived on.

Support System and Financial Struggles

Not having a support system can make the task even more daunting. It’s easier to struggle to afford all the necessary expenses on a single income. Furthermore, if you have a child with special needs, the situation can become even more challenging. These circumstances require an additional layer of support and resources that can be difficult to manage alone.

For someone who chose to be a single mother by choice, it can be particularly tough. This journey is embarked on with a conscious decision to prioritize the child’s well-being, often at the cost of a fulfilling career or personal life. This is not an endeavor taken lightly, and the support from friends and family is invaluable.

Sharing the Burden

It’s not uncommon for a single parent to find that their child gains greater stability and support by being reintroduced to one of their biological parents. This is what happened with my oldest son. When he was 14, his biological mother was stable enough to take a more active role in his life. She did a better job during those years than I could have. Now, at 50, he’s a successful adult, and the time we spent as single parents laid the foundation for his success.

For my two youngest boys, also around the ages 5 and 7, and me, aged 40 at the time, we too had to navigate the challenges. We balanced our self-employment income with travel and home schooling. Eventually, I found love and remarried to a woman who cared deeply about them and became their mother. She loved them deeply, and their relationship flourished under her care and support.

Emotional Challenges and Coping Mechanisms

The emotional toll of single parenting can be immense. Nurturing a sense of humor and finding ways to maintain ironies are essential coping mechanisms. Humor can provide an escape and remind us of the lighter aspects of life, even in the darkest moments.

When looking at friends who chose to be single mothers, their journey is typically characterized by significant personal sacrifice. Some left employment to dedicate their time to their child, often bearing the responsibility of starting anew. While their identities often remain private due to privacy concerns, it’s clear that they are highly educated and made a conscious choice to prioritize their child's well-being, even if it meant giving up personal ambitions.

Realizing the Importance of Love and Prioritization

Becoming a single parent is a double-job with immense pressure and workload. While you might be mentally prepared, reality hits hard, as you face raising a child for 18 to 20 years. However, if you love the child, set priorities, and focus on their well-being, it can be a rewarding experience. Life will continue to move forward, and you will find the strength to navigate the challenges.

Being a single parent by choice is not for the faint-hearted. It’s a journey filled with challenges, sacrifices, and a lot of love. But with the right support system, determination, and a strong sense of humor, it can be a fulfilling and valuable experience.