Reflections on Lowered Expectations: Navigating Life and Relationships

In the journey of life, especially within a professional context, our attitudes and expectations can shift dramatically as we mature and navigate through different stages. My own career and personal experiences have offered a profound lesson in the value of lowering expectations, not as a sign of defeat, but as a wisdom born of experience and acceptance. This article explores the nuances of this shift and its implications in both personal and professional realms.

Lowered Expectations: A Necessity for Growth

Throughout my professional university career, spanning from 1997 to the present, I always held high expectations for others, ensuring that they matched or even exceeded my own standards. This exacting self-standards was, in fact, divine grace—preventing me from reaching a breaking point or experiencing burnt-out exhaustion. However, as time has passed, particularly as I approach retirement, my viewpoint and tolerance for others’ performance has evolved significantly. Now, I allow people to perform at whatever level suits them, without unduly enforcing unrealistic standards. This change in attitude has been both liberating and impactful, not just for me personally but also in my professional career, where I no longer hold a management position and thus bear less responsibility for the performances of others. The realization that people will receive the rewards of their individual efforts has become an accepted, and even anticipated, fact in my life.

Personal Growth Through Experience

My life is a tapestry woven with threads of both lowered and heightened expectations. Although I hesitate to categorize these as “lowered expectations,” I do recognize the significant shifts in my thoughts and actions. This recognition is not a sign of weakness but of an enlightened maturity, where I can better understand and navigate interpersonal dynamics.

1. Perspective Bearing

The realization that not everything is about me has been a pivotal moment. This mindset helps in recognizing others' positions and perspectives, which can significantly reduce conflicts and improve understanding. Instead of feeling aggrieved when things don’t go my way, I now accept different opinions and viewpoints, even if they don't align with my own. This shift has allowed me to embrace a broader spectrum of human behavior and understanding.

Life in the digital age has transformed expectations. With an overwhelming connectivity, every instance and circumstance doesn’t have to align with my desires. If one situation isn't to my liking, I am at peace knowing that there are always other alternatives. However, it’s a different story when this becomes a pattern in a relationship. If a friend, family member, partner, or coworker persistently shows a pattern of not aligning with my views on numerous topics, it might be time to assess or reevaluate those relationships.

2. Acceptance of Differing Schedules

I have also learned to accept that others may not respond to my messages as quickly as I might wish. A significant turning point was when I was frustrated by a lack of response from my then-husband. He reminded me that not all interactions and conversations need to be on my schedule. This realization has been instrumental in managing my expectations and reducing stress in my personal and professional life.

3. Confronting Ageism

One of the more poignant realizations has been dealing with ageist opinions and stereotypes. As I, and others, have been defined as "old people," this has put a spotlight on a sensitive issue within our culture. Ageism continues to be one of the last significant barriers to defining the validity of any demographic group, even though our culture has largely advanced in valuing race, ethnicity, and gender as irrelevant to the outcome of an issue. This elevation of opportunities has been positive, but ageism still perpetuates some of the most frustrating challenges.

Consider the following scenario: You are waiting at a location, be it a meeting, office project, or a Broadway play, and your supervisor asks you to explain the composition of the group or situation. You might instinctively say, 'There are a few women, two-year-old, a couple of men, a middle-schooler, an Episcopal priest, and … wait for it … plus an OLD MAN.' It’s clear that age is one of the last factors people are willing to overlook, even as they would not do so for other demographic groups.

Conclusion

Lowering expectations is not a sign of acceptance of poor performance; rather, it is a mature acknowledgment of the varied and unpredictable nature of human behavior. It is about finding balance between setting and maintaining reasonable standards while being open to the unique dynamics of each situation. As we navigate through life and professional careers, this shift in perspective can lead to greater harmony, both personally and in our relationships.

Keywords: lowered expectations, personal growth, career evolution