The Unseen Struggle: Understanding the Narcissist and Emotional Abuse

Is it normal to pity the narcissist I see, who is just a toddler in an adult body? Yes, it is indeed. I have noticed this tendency in myself since becoming a mother, where I would see such individuals as young boys much like my own children. However, despite this empathy from a distance, it is crucial to recognize that while childhood experiences shape our behaviors, adulthood requires us to take responsibility for our actions. Emotional and physical abuse, even if understandable in their context, remains unacceptable.

Pity as a Tool: Mastering and Leveraging Empathy

Surviving a lifetime of narcissistic individuals has taught me that pity, when used strategically, can be an incredibly empowering tool. However, it is not a warm, embracing pity but a form of contemptible pity. This is the kind of pity that comes from a place of knowing and understanding the true nature of the narcissist's actions. It involves recognizing their predatory behavior and the manipulation behind their facade. When you've become the dominant force, possessing a clear understanding of their motives, and are adept at catching their real eyes as their mask falls, embracing this form of pity is a powerful emotion.

Understanding the Narcissist's Mismatched Reality

The concept of pitying the narcissist is deeply rooted in understanding their childhood trauma. The true self of a narcissist is often all but killed off in childhood, leaving behind a fake persona that is deeply unsettling to see. This persona is a charade yet fully believable, making it all the more distressing for those who understand it. In some cases, particularly among psychopathic sadistic narcissists, there may be intent and malice behind their actions.

Psychological Dehumanization: Beyond Random Acts of Evil

Narcissists do not abuse others to protect themselves. Instead, they do so to feel superior to others and to project their own negative traits onto others. This projection allows them to build themselves up by knocking others down. They abuse others because people are mere objects, not deserving of the time and consideration required to think about their feelings. People who have been narcissistically abused often describe feeling like burned-out shells, with their lives severely affected for years, if not for the rest of their lives. The ability to feel joy is systematically stripped away.

Defining Monstrosity: Beyond Surface Appearances

To define someone as a monster, we must focus on their actions rather than their surface appearance. Watching the shell-shocked victims of narcissistic abuse and reflecting on the depths of the suffering I experienced, I have lost any sympathy for these individuals. Narcissists consciously choose to hurt others, and it is unacceptable to give them a pass. Understanding the root of narcissistic behavior and the profound impact it has on its victims is crucial to maintaining a clear moral stance.

By delving into the complex psychology behind narcissism, we gain a deeper understanding of these individuals and the profound harm they can inflict. This knowledge can serve as a powerful tool in navigating relationships and protecting ourselves from those who seek to manipulate and abuse.