The Necessity of Unity During Family Holidays After Divorce

For divorced parents, the holiday season can often be a time of intense emotional challenges. However, it’s not uncommon for parents to come together with their children during family dinners, sometimes even at home away from public settings. While this can be a sensitive subject, it’s crucial to recognize the positive impact it can have on the children. This article discusses the reasons why co-parenting during family gatherings can be beneficial, focusing on maintaining a united front and framing the experience as a positive transition for the children.

Understanding the Emotional Impact of Divorce

Divorce is rarely an easy journey for any family, and when children are involved, the complications can be particularly challenging. However, maintaining a united front during family holidays can provide a valuable emotional anchor for kids during a turbulent time. In the case of my husband and I, we recognized the importance of preserving this unity, even amidst the challenges.

Divorce Models and the Pros and Cons

Several models of divorce can be considered, each with its own pros and cons. Two models that stood out to us back in 2015 when we had two teen/tween boys were the nesting model and the cohabitation within the family home model.

Nesting: Maintaining the current home while taking turns living there. This approach allows for minimal disruption to the children's daily lives, providing a stable environment. However, it might not be for everyone, especially if one parent struggles with keeping up with the maintenance and responsibilities of the home. Cohabitation within the family home: Maintaining the family home and adding a privacy divide. This allows for a more private space for one of the parents while maintaining the family home as a shared space. It can be more psychologically beneficial for the children but might require more financial and logistical planning.

Our decision was based on our core shared value of being a forever family. Even though we have been divorced, our commitment to our children remains strong, and we strive to maintain a positive co-parenting environment for their benefit.

Family Dinners and Emotional Support

For the holidays, we chose to have my ex-husband and his girlfriend (now girlfriend of my ex) join us for family dinners and gatherings. This included Christmas Eve and subsequent morning activities, as well as regular holiday meals and picnics. The decision to include them in these family events was not taken lightly, but it was a carefully thought-out plan.

Comfort: While it was sometimes uncomfortable, especially given the past, we believed it was necessary to maintain a united front for the children. They needed to see their parents acting like mature adults, despite the underlying tensions. Support: Recognizing that my ex treated me horribly, yet his children loved him, we focused on the positive aspects for the kids. They needed the emotional support and stability of having both parents involved, even if it was through a united family front. Gratitude: My ex-girlfriend, now girlfriend of my ex, was a significant support system for our children. She was always there to wrap gifts and participate in family traditions, which made our decisions to include her in the family events all the more worthwhile.

Building a Supportive Environment

Divorce does not have to be a source of constant conflict, especially for children. By continuing to engage in family traditions and ensuring that holidays are not just about personal grief but also about building a supportive environment, parents can help their children navigate the challenges of a changing family dynamic.

Communication: Open and honest communication between co-parents is essential. This can help to reduce stress and ensure that the children feel supported. Unity: Maintaining a united front is crucial. Children need to see their parents working together, even if it is not in the way they once did. Positive Reinforcement: Highlighting positive aspects of the past, such as the love of a parent, can help foster a more positive outlook for the children.

Conclusion: Ugly Divorces and Coarenting

While not all divorces are necessarily ugly or result in mutual contempt, it is important for parents to approach the co-parenting process with a positive attitude. For my husband and me, our decision to include my ex in family events was a reflection of our commitment to our children's well-being. Despite the complexities and challenges, we believe that a united front during family holidays can provide a significant source of emotional support and stability for the children.

Emotional Support: Maintaining family unity during holidays can help children feel supported and secure in a changing family environment. Positive Transition: Including all involved parties in family events can provide a positive transition for the children, helping them to navigate the aftermath of a divorce. Resilience: Our journey demonstrates that with the right approach, even the most challenging divorces can lead to a resilient and lasting family structure.

In conclusion, co-parenting during family holidays is not just a practical solution but a way to promote a positive emotional environment for children. Whether you are navigating the aftermath of a divorce or facing other family challenges, maintaining unity and fostering a supportive atmosphere can make a significant difference in the lives of your children.