How Long Have YouBeen Completely Alone: A Journey Through Loneliness
Life is a complex journey, and loneliness can manifest in various forms, often regardless of the presence of friends or partners. Solo living and the quest for meaningful connections define our experiences and shape our identities in unexpected ways.
The Path to Loneliness
I've lived through different phases of my life, navigating unattached periods and a circle of friends, colleagues, and clients. Yet, I have never been _completely_ alone. However, the question How long have you been completely alone? resonates deeply as I stand at 91. Despite a lifetime of friendship and a recent lifechange in Amazon publishing, I have been more alone than ever before. This journey is not just about numbers, but about the depth of human connection and how it changes with time.
The Crowded Room of Loneliness
Imagine standing in a crowded room, yet feeling utterly alone. This is a reality that many of us face, regardless of the quantity of individuals around us. I am an author who was once unattached but have now become part of a larger narrative of solitude. My last book, Erased and Unwanted, delves into the essence of loneliness, urging readers to question the nature of their connections.
Perspectives on Loneliness
Loneliness is subjective, and it can still exist even amidst a network of friends and colleagues. A crowded room can be a crowded space without genuine human connection. My life has changed significantly in recent years, yet my solitude has intensified. This is a testament to the complexity of our emotional landscapes and the thin line between alone and lonely.
Personal Experience
During my 91st year, I've raised my 16th-year-old grandson, a young man with Asperger’s and deafness, who is away at a school for the deaf during the week. He has a roommate who is totally blind and, through a series of circumstances, moved to another state. This reflects the dynamic nature of my life, filled with poignant moments and complex relationships.
Friendship and Seeking Connection
Raising my grandson has brought me closer to a group of like-minded gay individuals, friends, and clients. Despite these connections, it is still a journey to find meaningful companionship. Having a roommate and offering him opportunities reflects my belief in fostering independence and growth in others. These relationships, however, remain on a platonic level, emphasizing the importance of maintaining personal boundaries.
Personal Reflections and Endeavors
Reflecting on my life, I am currently working on reconciling with a part of myself that felt abandoned many years ago to become something it never intended to be. This journey is one of self-discovery and acceptance, as I acknowledge the loneliness that has defined my recent years. The few friendships I have made in California, where I was born, highlight the enduring ties that connect me to my roots.
Challenges and Desperation
At 63, I have been single for the same duration as my birth. This has involved forming several romantic liaisons and living with one for 15 years under an open relationship. Some attempts to connect were honeyed and filled with desperation, though I possessed good taste. Each experience provided lessons, yet true connection remains elusive.
Conclusion
Loneliness is a universal experience, reflecting the complexities of human relationships. While I may stand alone in my journey, I find solace and growth in the connections I make and the challenges I face. Each chapter of my life contributes to my understanding of what it means to be alone and connected.